‘‘To be a man is to be in charge. To be gentle is to be a wimp, a weak excuse for a man, an object of derision and ridicule.” – Michele Toomey
We live in a patriarchal society. Where the men make all the rules. And this may lead us to believe that men have it easy when they don’t. Men are victims of stereotypes and gender roles just as much as women. There is this stereotypical idea of how a man should look, think and act. And unfortunately, in the society of today, this issue is not given enough attention. So more and more men fall prey to depression and an array of mental illnesses. As of 2015, almost two-thirds of worldwide suicides are by men.
more men die by suicide than women.
Generally, we expect the man to make the first move in a relationship. Be the one to propose. It’s not ‘normal’' for the girl to make the first move in a relationship. God forbid it that the guy is shy. We expect him to be the leader. To take charge. We don’t consider the fact that maybe he doesn’t feel up to it. Maybe he feels inadequate.
In most homes, the men are usually the leaders, responsible for making any major decisions in the family. So they teach the boys to make decisions for the family, they teach them that leadership and taking charge is part of being a man. and that they're not yet a man if they can’t take charge.
I see a lot of memes, instances whereby the girlfriend is asking for money from the boyfriend and he is expected to give her. Heaven forbid that he is broke. We even have 'high maintenance girls'. That is girls that are expensive to be with. But just somehow let it be the man asking the girl for money and suddenly all hell breaks loose. The man is seen as useless, asking a girl for money. That is degrading for women but it also puts a lot of pressure on men.
In society, men are pushed even harder than women to be successful because they will one day be responsible for providing for several other humans. Although, the woman may assist in most homes, the man shoulders and is expected to shoulder most of the burden. If women are measured in society by how pretty they are, men are measured by how rich and successful they are.
Phrases like ‘man up!’ and ‘be a man’ are said to both men and women daily to encourage them to become more courageous, more hardworking, stronger, bolder. This implies that society already has a mold of how a real man should be like. He must always be strong, capable, able, powerful. And in my mind, I’m like damn! It's not easy to be a man.
If you are a guy and you're in a bad place mentally your just expected to suck it up. As a man, you are not supposed to be weak. Guys, how many times have you been told to not be a ‘cry baby’ as a child? As an adolescent how many times have you been told to stop being a ‘pussy’?
Everywhere you look, from the tv to billboards, to newspapers, even to books, the men are always big, buff, muscular(at least the ‘hot’ ones are). This puts a lot of pressure on men to work out excessively to fit this idea of what a handsome man should look like. But this expectation is so unrealistic, because a man may work out consistently, but if he has a small build he'll never look like The Rock. Only a little percent of men can achieve this look even after intense muscle gaining exercises. As a woman, your ideal man is probably very tall at best and taller than you at worst. As a guy how many times have you been made fun of? Just because you're not tall.
Men suffer under the weight of all these expectations and more. Suffering in silence. I’m not trying to say that women are not going through stuff. This is not an article on who is more affected by society’s unfair expectations. This is an article for all men to know that we see them, feel them, and can hear them. To tell them that we know that they’re under a lot of pressure from society their parents even their partners. To just say thank you.
Last week was International Men’s Day and I know it’s coming late but I believe that it’s never too late to appreciate men everywhere. So don’t forget to share this article with a man that you respect and love to tell them that they are loved, seen, and treasured.
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